In a tag-team style, John Elmes and Anika Rahman join forces to translate the Durham words most likely to cause confusion…

After the sterility of seven long years at secondary school, it is inevitable that university will alter your life immeasurably. Whether your three years (or four if you’re one of those strange things called a ‘science student’) are spent barricaded in your room slaving away to meet Daddy’s expectations or spent in a perpetual state of inebriation, your life is likely to change. Of all the things that you can possibly imagine being different, the lingo is not an aspect that immediately comes to mind. Durham, however, is different to many university cities. For such a small place, our ‘bubble’ has joined forces with the slight Geordie influences to leave an ingrained mark on the language of this small part of the north-east. Do not frown or scoff when you hear some of the following expressions, because you will most likely begin to use them by the end of your first year, irrespective of whether you want to or not.

“Banter” – In general this term describes someone’s social skills and their ability to come up with some pithy line when under attack – mostly likely in the verbal form – from a fellow student. To be described as ‘banter’ it really needs to be entertaining, cool and enjoyable. The person on the receiving end may not agree. You either have ‘banter’ or you don’t. Deal with it

Examples: ‘It was cool being with Jim the other night, he has good ‘banter’.
‘Oh yeah, that’s great banter old boy.’

“Chat” – Often associated with ‘banter’. The difference is that ‘chat’ can have negative, as well as positive, connotations. If you have good ‘chat’ then you are again someone who is interesting, cool, fun to be around etc. If you have bad ‘chat’, then in simplistic terms you’re a bit of a loser. Bad chat often involves clichéd references to mothers or trying to hard to include obscure references to the subject they are studying. It just tends to be unfunny.

Examples: ‘Do you think that Sarah has good chat? ’
‘Did you go to the 9a.m (lecture) today? It was bad chat!’

“Shanter” – For some reason known only unto the Gods of language people do use this horrific term. It simply means ‘shit banter’. Tut, tut, tut. Awful expression.

“Chunder” – Something a Durham student is obligated to do during their time up north, be it on account of alcohol, a dodgy kebab or just a dicky tummy. It means ‘vomit’ and ‘to chunder’ is the verb. The ideal place to release the aforementioned ‘chunder’ is in the sink or the toilet. When caught short by that extra shot you may have to make do with the middle of the street. You may well feel guilty when you walk past the subsequent pink and yellow brew in the morning, but I suppose that’s why we pay council tax. Oh, wait a minute, we’re students……Party on cowboy.

Variations on this include ‘tactical chunder’ whereby two fingers are used to make yourself sick on purpose. You temporarily feel better, until the next alcoholic drink that is. Not to be confused with Bulimia. Tactical chunder good, bulimia not so.

Example: ‘I just had a tactical chunder’ at Jimmy A’s.

“Stash” – Stash refers to all items of clothing emblazoned with Durham insignia. Claims that this is in part homage to the way the Nazis used uniform and symbols to unite Germans are yet to be verified. Durham stash can take the form of casual sports gear or just items received through college. ‘Stash’ will be seen absolutely everywhere and is often personalized with logo/nickname/etc.

Example: ‘That Himmler guy is wearing nothing but Bailey (university sport) stash, what a schmuk!’

“Cheesy chips with…gravy/garlic mayo/chilli sauce/various other toppings” – Pretty self explanatory, but after a night out people tend to get peckish and want to stop off at a chippie to get a selection of the popular above choices to eat. Cheesy chips and gravy is very northern! Like Rennies, but for drunkards.

Examples: ‘I’m just popping into Pizza King for some cheesy chips and gravy.’

“Dirty Janes’/Dirtys” - Chip shop located right outside Klute and owned by one-armed-Jane. And yes, would you believe it, she is in possession of just the one arm.

“Rah” – A contentious one but frequently used in Durham. Means ‘Rich ArseHole’ and often refers to those guys and girls who walk around with a belief that they belong to the upper echelons of society. They tend to frequent ‘Klute’, wear pashminas and pearl earrings (if a girl) and shirt with collars up and deck shoes (if a guy). Both sexes can often be seen decked out in popular, overpriced and tasteless Jack Wills clothes.

There are a few stray limbs that swing from the ‘rah’ body

“Rahness”: those rahs who display rah qualities may sometimes be thought of as possessing a certain rahness. Places and activities which attract rahs can possess this quality too.
“Wannabe-Rah”: A species of Durhamite who, although wish to belong to the ‘Rah’ category, cannot quite pull the rah-look off. Under certain circumstances they may squeeze through.

“Doxbridge” - Durham, Oxford and Cambridge conglomerate. A sign of how the three universities go head-to-head in sporting events and such like, or desperate self-delusion from Durham’s ubiquitous Oxbridge rejects?

“Planet” and “Hound” – Two names for the Friday night Student night held at the world famous Durham Student Union. Full name is ‘Planet of Sound’ but is shortened to the two above, ‘Planet’ for obvious reasons, ‘Hound’ I am unsure of!

Example: ‘You going to Planet tonight?’
‘Yeah we are. See you at Hound.’

“Shack” - Loveshack, a nightclub situated near the Gala Theatre.

“Pennied” -when you have a penny dropped in your drink to prompt you to try and neck it. Tends to be at formals, but only a minority of folk are - like Gary Sparrow - still living in the 1940s and find this practice hilarious. This tradition has now been banned in some colleges. Safe drinking, and all that. In other colleges, the person responsible for depositing the coin is usually greeted with a wristy slap to the lower cheek. Meet their stupidity with violence, it’s the only language they understand.

“Walk-of-shame” - having to walk back in the morning (usually dawn) to your own residence, when you have spent the night *elsewhere*.

Acronyms - DUCK, DUCA, DICCU, UCBC - However long your adjectives may be, make sure you know all of your acronyms and
use them to the max in order to abbreviate what would otherwise be a very long-winded conversation………………

Variations of all the above, or on any word for that mater, can be found by adding ‘age’ and ‘ing’ to the end. Do this until your sentences are do not make any sense whatsoever. ‘You Kluting tonight?’, ‘time for some bar crawlage’, ‘we’re Tescoing it later to get some foodage, otherwise we’ll be dinnering with a load of empty plateage. After that we’ll be Hounding it if we can get round the lack of ticketage.’

An classic Durham conversation after night-out:

A: Hello there! How was last nightage?
B: Ever so tiresome… Was involved in some massive Klutage after getting pennied in Castle formal. Ended up on the Prince Bish and then afterwards the Shack where I used some top-draw banter to pul this wannabe-Rah. This morning I felt terrible as I did the walk of shame in SCSBC stash stained by someone’s chunder.
A: Oh marone, you’ve got a problem.